Emotional Assertiveness, Resolutions and Self-Discipline

This article addresses the importance of assertiveness with ourself, the detrimental effects of a lack of self-assertiveness and a deeper understanding of how to heal this and live a deeply fulfilling and successful life as a result of doing the inner work necessary.

Assertive is often and most broadly described as confident; to get the job done.

When we lack assertiveness with our self, we are unable to initiate important tasks and see them through. This not only limits our success on the Goal line for example procuring a job, meeting our financial commitments, following a diet, losing weight, starting a family, healing a disease or an illness, letting go of addictive patterns, healing behavioral challenges in our relationships.

It negatively impacts our sense of Self-esteem, Self-regard and Self-trust which are the inner currency required for us to live an authentically successful life.

Some of the most powerful, successful and thriving individuals on the planet struggle with self-assertiveness in some or many regards. How is this possible? The roots of these patterns lie in our cultural, familial, societal conditioning.

Growing up I was conditioned to say only polite and positive things and was told to not express my unpleasant emotions.

I was made to understand that this was to safeguard me from getting into trouble with others be it family members, teachers, friends, colleagues, associates... who may not like what I was saying and retaliate harmfully. I was told time and again, "People can and will use your emotional vulnerabilities (how you truly feel) against you."

In my case, this was not just the verbal message I received. It was also impressed upon me by my parents anytime they admonished, ridiculed or dismissed me for revealing and expressing my thoughts and emotions that were separate from their views on how I should be or feel.

I was being groomed to survive in "anothers" world. I was also being groomed unconsciously to not speak up or challenge anybody, in this instance my parents. I was also being groomed to unwittingly hide and repress essential parts of myself - my rapidly developing thoughts, emotions and perceptions and quickly bought into the misbelief that the world and others are unsafe for me.

In my work I've repeatedly experienced that even the most unpleasant emotions and conversations, when addressed with mutual kindness for ourself and the others concerned can become the most loving and intimate vehicle for authentic friendship and freedom in relationships. Freedom in this regard is closeness and a deep trust and comfort in knowing that I can be myself and so can others with me. Including being honest with ourself about our stuckness, our resistance to change, or fear of becoming more fully self-responsible.

Authentic Expression is most important in the development of our character and our integrity.

When we express ourselves honestly and wholeheartedly we learn about ourselves more deeply.

Integrity comes from the word integer which means one. To be one in our thoughts, words and actions equals success on the Goal line of life.

If like me, you've spent a lifetime repressing, suppressing, invalidating or diminishing to a very large or not so large extent your thoughts, emotions, needs and preferences as not important enough or as unsafe to express, because others may feel challenged; chances are, you too have also struggled with being disciplined and assertive in yourself and with others.

How to integrate this into your life's experiences and have more success with Self-commitment and Joyful Self-discipline?

1. When you Set A Goal to create a practice of Self-discipline, to start /complete a project, change a behavioral habit, improve a relationship, know that resistance will surface that needs to be addressed, healed/ released in order to accomplish your goals.

2. It is this 'resistance' to change/ growth/ evolution/ a greater sense of self-responsibility, that kept you stuck in older patterns all this while. and addressing it is a key to your freedom and success.

3. The resistance is not in the way, it is showing you the way to your success and freedom.

4. There are tools and practices from Spiritual Psychology that can assist you in experiencing this process of letting go of resistance and accomplishing your goals more gracefully and mindfully.

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